going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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