Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
