HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
