no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
