I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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