I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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