I think I died a long time ago.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
