i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize