and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
