k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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