So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
