Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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