no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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