So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
