hotel room ftw
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
