Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
