fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
