I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
