Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
