FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
