1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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