Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
is that a dick in a sweater?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
