glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
