This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I would fuck him just for his dog
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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