my phone needs a breathalizer
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
