Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
