i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
