Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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