It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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