I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
