..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
