Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
