omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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