So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
