Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
