what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and she was petting her beer can
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
