Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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