Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
