well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
