She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
