Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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