Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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