ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
