My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
