I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
