So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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