I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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