Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
