I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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