wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
